neridream ♥

Life goes on.

2012-02-05T16:31:00.000+08:00

HOLA! Here you go- Another short, and pointless video, me thinks. Anyways, i just wanna update something. Enjoy watching? oh yeah you better do lol.

BTW,
i love reading comments. it just made me feel like people actually appreciate my thoughts or feelings. And usually feedbacks help us to improve right? I love commenting on other peoples' posts too TEEHEE!

School's tomorrow :/ I hope I have a genie that makes all my wishes come true, like INSTANTLY. THE MONTH OF JUNE, Y U NOT HERE YET TT

P/S: My voice is pretty soft here i guess, so maybe tune up a little? ahha. oh and also, my cbox doesn't work, so leave me comments people :)

Torn

2012-02-03T16:24:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since I updated. So hey everyone, if you don't know yet- I'm now in Melbourne.
How is everyone doing? Seriously, I miss home. I didn't know I could get so homesick. I shed countless tears up in the air, until now down on land. I know I'm coming home, it's not like farewell forever. But, everytime I think about mummy, my family & friends, tears just follow up.

I miss my mum the most :(
I wanna go home.
This is hard, but I have to get through it-as I have been given a mission, and that is just to study hard.
All the best Neri.

'12 Dragon Year

2012-01-24T15:54:00.002+08:00

I know I have been MIA recently; showing apologetic face.

So now, a video here to sum up what i wanna blog. * LAZY BUM* haha.

ENJOY :D

Watch this :D

2012-01-18T17:59:00.004+08:00

FLASHMOB!

I've seen some but not in Malaysia!!

This is amazing :)

The main girl has amazing vocals. I particularly like the ending part, it starts at 4:15 :D The Argentina guy is sooo cute. I wanna pinch him ahaha.

He said:"Does this happen all the time here? This is the best airport IN THE WORLD!!! AWW"

Y NO money, NO talk?

2012-01-18T10:13:00.003+08:00

I always choose to walk away when my dad starts talking about finance-related issues. I thought it's boring; it's useless. I thought, why care so much about money? But now, though the thought of how money seems to be everything and, seemingly the only thing people need nowadays make me wince, I still have to accept the fact and start placing my interest on it. So farewell the good old money-doesn't-bother-me days. Hell, it bothers me so much now :(

So, money is REALLY everything huh? Without it, you're nobody. A person's status seems to be defined by his/her wealth. Let's say you're an average person, and now you're undergoing an emergency operation to be saved. Then, suddenly a super important person- let's say the chairman of the hospital is admitted to ICU and the doctor that is operating on you is required to save him first. By just being a more influential and obviously, much more wealthier person, he becomes a priority. And you're left alone, just like that. I think we should put all the ethical issues aside, because I can say, really, these people don't care about 'first come first serve' or 'all patients have equal rights' rules ; and besides who's eyes wouldn't sparkle or go CHA-CHING $.$ knowing that they could earn some extra cash even it means losing their basic conscience?

"No money, no talk" seems to not only be the trend in businesses, but it has somehow managed to be popular in health-related services as well as education- which I never thought it would be. I mean, come on. A person is dying, and as if you wouldn't give a shit about it just because he cannot afford to pay you? So,you rather see him suffer and lose his life? But, don't you know that, if you did save his life, he would very possibly see you as his life-saver and the gratefulness and appreciation from him is something money cannot buy? The contentment of practicing a good deed is too much of a value that even billions of pounds wouldn't be able to afford it. So, instead of being happy with their lives, not having to worry about the problems money can bring ; people now enjoy sleeping in mountains of gold without being able to feel secure- because all they think about would be where is the safest place to store all those treasures or if not, worrying about burglars all night?

You see, a coin has both sides, so does everything else. Money can be everything as well as nothing. Some people become so obsessed with money until the extent they would do anything for it- even it means discarding their conscience and basic morality. And some, treat money like nothing; as if it drops from the sky, just like that. I have to say I used to not care about money. I spend without thinking, I spend without any worries- just because it's not mine. I didn't know how to appreciate the hard work behind it. I didn't know how to be thrifty and I see people who fussed over 10cents as being stingy human beings. Little did I know that those 10cents could make a difference.

Now, I start to value them. I save as much as I can. I try not to spend much because frankly speaking, I don't have the right to spend them- simply put, because those aren't my hard-earned money.

Okay now, i have a question.

You know, education is very important for me; despite the fact that it is said to be essential for a person to have a proper education to enjoy the benefits of being respected as a knowledgeable person, I detest the fact that this bloody education has to be the biggest money-sucker of all things. My parents have spent so much money on our education, hoping that they've done their best in paving a bright future for us. Soon, I'm going to reach an age which all know as an age of holding full responsibility of yourself- meaning that parents have done their job, it's now up to me to drive my own life. In Western countries, parents no longer offer financial support to their children when they are of the age of eighteen, they've gotta do something to survive. But here, no. Parents pay your college fees, daily expenses, almost everything, anything. See how lucky we are? Anyway, my point is, soon I need to do something to help reduce my family's burden- not just because I want to be a saint, but because it's necessary to do so- seeing that I still have a sibling below me and my parents deserve to enjoy life after working so hard, for so long.

Education isn't a right excuse for me to demand money from them, just because I wanna study in overseas, or in a better school (which usually costs a damn bomb), that does not mean that they have to do whatever it takes to support me. If it weren't for our education, mum and dad could have live in a big bungalow off the seaside, driving awesome cars ; they sacrificed so much- until it now becomes a motivation for me to study really hard so all their efforts would be worth it.

Being a doctor means a lot to me. It has always been my dream. Whether or not it is going to come true, it really depends on myself. I have to give it all, just a little slacking would kill my dream. Seriously, damn you money, Y U have to dominate everything in the world now?

P/S: If I didn't link you, that doesn't mean I didn't follow your blog. So, if you aren't linked, then you're followed. Make sense? lol.

Of inner beauty.

2012-01-16T11:21:00.000+08:00

I think I'm a psycho because I have so many disagreements *that I don't even have the courage to voice out-zomg such a coward wtf* with most of the views of the world currently. I don't think I should continue to stay on Earth, maybe I should go to Mars and create a new empire and be the queen lol.

*****

You know how when we were young, we just play with people without caring much about their appearance. We're kids, we don't judge. We just play and have fun. But now when we are ~~much of an older age~~ *why sound so old lol*- okay, make it in our teens, we tend to judge people based on their outer appearance. We become fussy with the choices of people that are to be included in our circle of friends. I'm not an angel because I do sin- in this case, I judge too. Of course, we would want to preserve our reputation by hanging out with renowned people- they do not necessarily have to be the prince or princess of a country, *but if they are, that's even more awesome!* as long as they look good, not like beggar-looking with strong odour and filthy garments, we are fine with it. But do those people with high statuses or gorgeous faces necessarily possess a very kind heart, or something even more commonly-said : inner beauty?

Inner beauty, ahh the thing that everyone says that a person should be assessed on. But seriously, how many do actually have it? It's pretty common to see pretty faces on the streets, but how many of those faces own a beautiful heart as well?

There are thousands, well maybe not that many, but there are lots of stories mentioning the importance of inner beauty. I don't know why must all the stories be so cliche- there is always one character being a super wannabe with the oh-so-stunning-features and all that, but with an ugly heart ; and another one having such distorted features until the extent of scaring little kids away but at the same time, he/she has a very beautiful heart. It's just like fairytales, all the disney princesses, they all have the same oh-so-happy endings where the prince just swoop the princess up on the horse, and off they go to the castle to live happily after. TADAHHH. I don't understand why such similar endings managed to get so popular;grabbed all the childrens' attention and caused them to daydream all the time. Anyways, the value or the lessons of those stories are always emphasizing on the same thing- telling us that outer appearance does not matter much, as long as you have a kind heart and yadda yadda, you're the most beautiful person on earth :)

Yet, how many parents managed to instill this value/lesson into their childrens' mindsets? If you want to say, yes the upbringing of children nowadays have been very successful if not how could the world be so awesome, then why are there many cruel people out there, abusing other peoples' rights or even those harmless,innocent animals' rights? Why has it become so rare, for a person to have humanity? Why are there so many pictures or news about animals being abused, or even sick parents abusing their own children? Okay, maybe you can say they're psychos or they have some kind of mental problems- well fine put them aside. But, don't you dare tell me that, all those people who do not respect people with a comparatively lower status than them or, those who verbally assault people who are not as pretty as them, don't you dare tell me that they're all out of their minds! If you say so, you're indeed out of your mind.

So what if they are not as attractive as you? That doesn't give you any right to sneer at them or laugh at their misfortunes. Some people are born with defects ; they have to accept it because they do not have a choice, neither can they do anything about it if they don't have the capabilities. Oh yes you may say that they're unlucky- but at least they have the courage to live their life with those unwanted defects. Don't give them that disrespectful look or attitude because they don't deserve it. We should treat others the way we want to be treated; let's say one day you are involved in an accident and your face is ruined; it's like the end of the world to you lol, how would you feel if you walk on the streets with people looking at you with disgusted as well as the kind of oh-i-need-to-avoid-this-scary-monster-expressions? Let me tell you this, no matter how pretty you are, one day you're gonna get old. Wrinkled skin, mushrooming white hair would triumph over your youth and beauty. Beauty's gonna fade someday, it's just a matter of time; but inner beauty lasts forever. Oh wait, nothing in this worls lasts forever, maybe I should say- if you have inner beauty, it will last as long as you live, unless you're brainwashed to be super evil when you're still living lol.

There are many people in this world : some without legs and hands, some blind, some deaf, some unable to speak. They are indeed not as fully equipped as we are ; but yet most of them have such a loving heart. Some even more loving than we are. They are so altruistic to the extent that, though they themselves are perceived as the 'unfortunate-s', they still choose to donate to or help those who they think who deserve more sympathy, more help from the community than they do. These people should be appreciated, for there are rarely people like them anymore :)

Despite emphasizing on how inner beauty is much more important, I really cannot deny that having a good-looking face is somehow vital as well in this world because nowadays, ALMOST EVERYONE judges a book by its cover. Those who say they don't, they're lying. Everyone values first impressions ; it's the reality, I feel so sorry for those who are not as outstanding as others on looks but would win if the competition was to be based on inner beauty :(

You can never know what's hidden beneath the surface ; so please don't judge :)

Well, they say God is fair ; if he takes something from you, he'll give you something even better. So let's say this time you can only have one- it's either outer beauty or inner beauty.

Which one will you choose?

P/S: The new layout is done, but I'm not satisfied with it. BUT AGAIN, i can't be bothered doing it again because it takes up so much time and sorry if it's not very attractive haha.

under construction.

2012-01-15T11:40:00.003+08:00

Blog currently under construction.

So it's 2012 babeh!

It's time to give my beloved a new look, just like how we shop for new year's dresses and tops. It's hard to make a new blog header and choose background images to go with it but i'll definitely try my best! I'm not really artistic, so sorry if the new look disappoints you. There're still some HTML problems that are yet to be fixed. Meow, i need help. Ahh how much i hate all the codes and stuff ugh.

Thanks for all the support all this while :D

What's gone, CAN be back :)

2012-01-14T14:52:00.000+08:00

This photo has absolutely nothing to do with the post. It's sorta like extra deco which isn't even stunning lol. it's meant to make the post less dull and boring. lol. lemme fulfill my vanity la haha.

The other day, we were all just chilling at the lounge. Usual thing. But, it surprised me how the used-to-be super merry atmosphere was dead silent and the usual conversations were not flowing as much.My brother was on his phone, so was my dad- busy checking out so-called-couldn't-be-missed-business-emails or the latest soccer news. It's funny how they rather have their attention directed towards non-emotionally-responding gadgets than us,humans. LIKE PHYSICALLY BREATHING AND LIVING PEOPLE MAN.

It's not only them, most people in this world are evolving into this kind of non-communicative aliens. I don't deny that sometimes I do so as well, but really, where is the communication? The communication that is said to help develop better relationships. Where is it?? I could not agree more on how the advanced technology has helped us tremendously in our daily lives, making our lives so much easier with almost everything being a click away, but still, the downsides of having such efficiency in delivering information or keeping up-to-date with the latest news are getting very evident. People nowadays do not communicate anymore. Not like TOTALLY, ZERO but a lot lesser, and the intimacy and warmth just gone POOF. Though sitting side by side, most people choose not to talk, but instead, text,tweet,im or (whatever you name it, there it is) each other. Really? Are all of your voices too distressing to be heard? Or are they just too sweet or angelic to be echoed in the air? Or is it really hard to have words out of your mouth, and you rather express your thoughts with your fingers?

They say emotions are important. You see, saying the words ' I love you' in front of your other half with sincerity as well as suitable body languages would win their hearts more easily,wouldn't it? Or is it that people nowadays have bizarre tastes-preferring robotic,emotionless text messages of 'I love you's' that comes with ringtones and beeping sounds? What has happened to the world?

I was at Singapore, last year, ( ahh, it feels so weird to say last year, it's gonna take some time to get used to 2012) travelling. Yes, the people over there are very 'fashion' in technology or, shall I say, engulfed by the tech-trend. Almost everyone owns a smart phone. It's not a very depressing scenario, but there were absolutely no, or probably there are some but i didn't notice, (if not how people end up not bumping into each other lol wtf) eye-contacts in public transports, but only blank stares on screens. There were absolutely no, well maybe there were a few, chit-chattings but usually in public transports, because you can very clearly, hear pins dropping on grounds. It gave me chill down the spines, where were all the friendly hand-shakes, welcoming faces that I swear people used to have in the older days?

We're humans, we can communicate with different languages. We're different, and some says more intelligent than other species because we are able to think logically, speak fluently and so on. We are created to communicate, to share. Or is it that nowadays, even saying a 'hello' or giving others a friendly,genuine smile has become so hard, and it kills you inside or let's put it on the extreme side, you have to fake it because it's not normal to do so anymore?

Those discussions, I mean those that mostly begins with serious attitudes but mostly again, ended up with fun laughters. ahh i miss them. What about now? Attentions are now no longer, or very rarely, paid on how to keep the conversation flowing, or how to try to make use of the time you have with your friends, but instead, all eyes and even ears are trained to be vigilant, just to not miss that particular beep or ring. So, I guess there's no more meaning in using the phrase 'spending quality time together' eh?

I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to have our technology to be so advanced. It's not a bad thing but communication has started to lose its essence. It's not meant to be like that. I just hope I'll still be welcomed with genial smiles and hand-shakes though, please? :)

But please, when in an emergency, don't walk 50km or whatever to the police station to show your sincerity when you just can pick up the phone and dial 999. As if anyone would do that, anyway, just stating the obvious. Ahha.

Anyways,these are just my personal opinions, i'm not trying to offend anyone nor pointing fingers at those who improved our tech. So, peace out :)

P/S: i hope none of you died of boredom. sorry if you did :P

Lots of love xx

Made my day!

2012-01-10T19:09:00.001+08:00

Behold! These two videos I uploaded, I find them personally really funny. If it doesn't fit into your sense of humor, i'm terribly sorry. But it worked for my case! Anyways, I'm back! Hope you guys would enjoy these! especially, MJ <3 you guys should troll for this!

SORRY. i played the video and suddenly realized my voice is super disgusting. mad eww. anyways, that's so ABOLIDEBOH!!

M & J's pronounciation differs so much lol.
The videos are about how we learnt a new word- invented by M. ABOLIDEBOH means?
Tell me what you think it meant!!

Page views dropped like hell. This is reality huh? No updates, no readers. HAHA.Guess i gotta get my ass back on blogger! Stay tuned!

Sneak peek: TEEHEE!!

Summary of today!

2012-01-03T22:17:00.001+08:00

*BIG WAVES*

Summary of my day today... :D it's been quite some time since i video myself. Today i felt like it so i did it. That's how we should live our lives isn't it? Do whatever you want before the world ends :D

2012 BRING IT ON!

2012-01-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS !!

I didn't get to publish a post on the last day of 2011 :( but it's alright. i'm now posting on the first day of 2012. Every year we make a list of resolutions, hoping that we would have everything ticked off the list by the end of the year. No exceptions for this year. But, resolutions are meant to be private, unless yours is something very cliche and you don't mind sharing but for me, i don't want people teasing me for having such high aims for my life- so meh, gonna write just for myself :)

So speaking about NYE, i think many people had a great day yesterday. Countdowns, fireworks everywhere. I may not be amongst the crowd at some beautiful places with awesome fireworks, but at least i got to spend it with a bunch of close friends. That's what matters isn't it? Why cheering with unknown strangers in a big fedsquare, when you can give your besties a big group bear hug and look into each other eyes making promises that you'll be by each others' side for another great year? Or maybe you prefer the merry atmosphere. Ok it actually depends on peoples' own preferences. Anyways, for those who were with me yesterday, I really appreciated your presence and i'm sorry for some unhappy moments. I hope all of you have a great year ahead :D

This year is an important year. For the past 17 years, we've all been studying. and this year is the year that my future depends on it. I might have failed in exams in the past, it doesn't matter. But, if i didn't do well in the one coming soon, i can literally kiss my future goodbye. So, i've gotta work hard. Sort out priorities and destroy what I know would destroy me. Distractions, you can all leave my life. I really need to focus. Even the daily horoscope on the newspaper says that for the Sagittarians , this year is like a turning point of our lives. I'm not a very superstitious person, but i do believe in fengshui, and some other non-really-scientific-based-beliefs. So, i guess i gotta work hard for this year. and hopefully all of you too!

SO, I ~~SHALL~~ MUST WORK HARD AND MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE!

Also, there're a few bad traits I think I should change. Actually I really don't like to gossip about people, because i believe there's such thing called karma and karma can be a bitch. And i know how it feels like to be the topic of others, especially your close friends. I feel so bad every time after talking about others, i'll reflect on myself soon after, and then be really disgusted by myself because i know i am no saint. i'm a devil too because i sin. No one is perfect, we should tolerate and compromise with each other. We don't necessarily have to always criticize others and keep picking out their flaws, we can choose to accept them and look at their positive characteristics which we could pick up and make ourselves a better person. It's just that normally it's easier to look at the bad side of others because we have this ego and pride that we're never wrong, the blame is always not on ourselves. This is why we can never improve.

SO, I SHALL ~~TRY~~ NOT GOSSIP ABOUT OTHERS.

Another point, I really need to know how to manage money. Parents are not destined to be our ATMs, true, they give us pocket money. But that ain't what they MUST do. They can refuse to give us any money and ask us to work for what we want. Money is really everything, this is the reality. No money, no talk. Every damn thing requires money. I'm not trying to be shallow, but it's true. Let's say you don't have any water left and you're dehydrating, and you have like what a few dollars on you. You can buy a bottle of water and YAY. LIFE SAVED OK! I need to save money and spend wisely, no more spending it ~~#like a boss~~ because they're all not mine! Plus, i need to save to backpack around europe *hopefully!!

IT'S GONNA BE ME NEXT YEAR MWAHAHHA *fingers crossed*

SO, I NEED TO MANAGE MY MONEY WELL AND SAVE MONEY FOR MY BACKPACK TRIP :D

So for 2011, for whoever I may have, either intentionally or unintentionally hurt or whatever problems I have caused to any of you, I'm truly sorry. Forgive me please, but never forget. Remember it, even if it's an unhappy experience, because i think somehow it'll help to strengthen your personal growth and next time, you'll never have to encounter anything similarly hurtful again.

Thanks for a great year people :D
Some believe that 2012 is gonna be the end of the world... But,

SO,

~~HOPE~~ 2012 IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD !!

because i haven't...

#1 get my driving license yet!!

#2 i need more more more more time with my family still :D

#3 all the precious friendships built over years, i cannot bear to lose them!

#4 and i haven't finish traveling around the world yet!

#5 what about shopping?! NOT ENOUGH SHOPPING YET! so i cannot die haha.

#6 and not to forget, i haven't finish enjoying food around the world!! *yums*

#7 also, i cannot die before finish taking a fortune worth of MY #very inspiring photo collection XP

#8 and lastly, SANTA GOTTA GRANT ALL MY WISHES FIRST :D:D

In short, we still have a long way to go, our life is not at its climax yet. Discover your passion and live your life to the fullest :D HAVE A GREAT 2012 PEEPS! Lots of love xx

self-reflection?

2011-12-27T10:27:00.001+08:00

So yeah i came back from singapore. I haven't got the pictures, its all in J's camera. She hasn't upload or update blog yet so wait patiently :)

P/S: none of you readers should read this, it's not worth your time. kthanxbai.

Yesterday, was so far the worst day i've ever had throughout the holidays. I came back from Singapore, headed out after less than 5 hours staying at home. What kind of person am I? Have I forgotten how to appreciate quality time spent together with my family? I just realized I haven't stay at home for more than a week add up in total. So far I've been home for two weeks, so more than half of the time i'm spending it outside with friends etc. I'm now super guilty. But being guilty doesn't make things better does it? What's done is done.

Also, I kinda joked with my dad, saying something which was so hurtful that I regretted immediately. You can't take back what you've said. I hated myself for blurting out words without thinking. I went overseas, I'm supposed to be more mature more caring, behaving like what I should behave, a good girl. What's the point going overseas, using my parent's money, coming back acting like a mega bitch and an unfilial daughter? I chose to go in order to become a better person, to be exposed to a different environment and to grow. Yes I did grew. I did changed. But I hate myself for performing those stupid and unforgivable mistakes. I just thought i'm a big girl now, why am I still being disrespectful to my parents and not acting like a good role model for my brother? Yet I expect people to behave well.

I've been hurt as well, I don't like the feeling. Yet I hurt people. You know how it feels when you say something wrong, or something you shouldn't have said, and it hurt those people who love you or those whom you love? especially family. sometimes i really don't mean what I say, but emotions took over especially anger. You unleashed your anger through harsh words and sometimes it changes things forever. and then regret it for the rest of your life.

I worship freedom. I'm really grateful for having my parents and my family as my family. They gave me freedom to do whatever I want, as long as i'm not going overboard. They did so because they trust me. They know that I can control myself and behave well. But sometimes I went out of control. I behave in a way that disappoints them. I'm such a bitch right. I know. I want to change, I want them to be proud of me, proud of my success, not regretting sending me overseas to change to be a better person.( not the other way round). Some kids are forced to study 24/7, they can't do whatever they want. All the time studying, no fun. I pity them. My parents never scold me or punish me for getting poor results, they only cane us if we behave poorly as in being rude or anything that is ill-performed behavior wise. They ask us to do our best, they have expectations of course, who don't want their children to be successful right? Yes sometimes they're disappointed with our results because they know we can do better if we put in the effort. But never did they reprimand us for getting bad grades, unless they know that there's a distraction that would be a tripping stone to our future and that they know that it could be rid of.

Sometimes, because of having such parents that treat you well, you take them for granted. You start to cross the line. Who wouldn't do something that they are on the advantage scale while the others are disadvantaged right? I feel bad for taking my family for granted sometimes. Ok i know i keep saying i feel bad i wanna spend more time etc etc bullshit but i still repeat the same goddamn mistakes. that's why i hate myself. I really wanted to change, to be a really better person to make them happy. They're getting old, I should behave in a way that they wouldn't be worried anymore and that they can enjoy their lives. You know how heartbreaking it is to see them growing old, with white hair mushrooming, wrinkles multiplying on their face? and yet i'm still acting like a goddamn child.

i wish i was a better person. i'm really sorry, mum & dad. for disappointing you all, for breaking your heart. i'm sorry.

Sugar, spice & everything nice!

2011-12-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

Lovin' this tumblr-ish photo, but meh, not gonna put it up, no one's gonna reblog it i guess.except me, pathetically reblogging it infinity times if i could remain anonymous while doing it TEEHEE

So, to push that ~~'please don't fuck with my feelings'~~ post DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN, coz i don't want to be so emo already. hmm #since when i no emo?

let's talk about something fun&happy!

LIKE THIS HAHAHAH

Last Friday, "last friday night, katy perry's TGIF playin' in the background'

okay. uhm, so i went out to meet with yenling with MJ. i just realised that whenever we hang out with others, MNJ is always there too WEW!

We had a good time. updating yenling about the recent hot pairs in school wtf. She needed more brain space to store the EXTREMELY BOMBARDING information we fed her HAHA

- we need to catch up more okay? :)

Then yesterday, went out with the gang again.

Jing, Matt, QQ, Mingboy, Tree, xuekai, esther and....

....................

FINALLY JUN <3

We haven't see each other for four years already man. It was so good, you cannot imagine the feeling, SOO GOD DAMN GOOD to see her again!

before picking jun up, we were at CLB coz the gang had to pick up their graduate certificate and we did camwhored a ~~little.~~ actually A LOT. HAHA!

i miss this school.

Re-shooting TITANIC moment haha!

Then we rocked to MCD to have their late-breakfast while i drank my chlorophyll hahahahah.

we talked a lot, literally A LOT. and about everything, seriously everything.

i really admire our ability to talk for so-long without dehydrating hahahah!

Later then, the three ladies above with NOODLE TREE as their personal driver HAHAHAH! went to sunway. We went to watch Mission Impossible V : Ghost Protocol :)

It was a super thumbs-up good movie!

Lemme share something funny.

***LOL part begins***

maybe it's not LOL material but the pathetic me thinks it is haha

So before we were watching this movie, we were trying to pick a movie to watch.

Then jun said : hey guys, which movie should we watch ? Mission impossible or Ghost protocol? I wanna watch horror movies!

I wanna laugh so hard and loud. but you know in public i can't.

So THERE YOU GO LOL face.

And then, when we were in the theatre, Jun and I had this kind of pre-movie nervous symptom where we keep stuffing popcorns in our mouth. The ads were not even exciting -_____- we were like having a popcorn race, AND BEFORE THE MOVIE EVEN STARTED, more than half of the popcorn were gone. and when the movie was playing, we weren't even eating much.

WE'RE WEIRD HUH HAHAHAHAH.

And again, in the theatre, i wanted to pee so badly but you know i didn't wanna miss any part of the movie coz it was too exciting. imagine my HOLDING-PEE FACE.

HAHAHHA something like that.

I told Jun, hey i wanna go pee but i can't because the movie's too exciting. and she told jing and they laughed at me. and in the end, i still went because i really almost pee-d my pants.

***LOL part ends here***

Then we had our late lunch/ tea time/ early dinner @ the newly-open Kim Gary!

We were the loudest customers seriously, i think it's only ME loh. I laughed so loud every time haha.

It was fun talking like there's no tomorrow!

Later then, we did free labour. I volunteered, together with Jing and Tree to help jun to wash her car porch's floor. It was fun doing some house chores once in a while haha.

Then, we went to Mingboy's house before their IT course begins.

HOME SWEET HOME after.

SO, bitches (?) or hmm girlies? when shall we have the ~~sleep~~over thingy, which i think should be named as 'gossip-over' since the chances of us sleeping is like zero?

♥

please don't fuck with my feelings.

2011-12-18T17:44:00.000+08:00

i keep asking myself, why give people advices and give people the impression that i'm super mature, when i'm so easily affected by how others treat me or what they say?

I always say people deserve a second chance. because yes, i'm so soft-hearted, i'm so silly to think of the good side of everyone, and i'm so silly to believe that everyone can change to be a better person, and yes that is why i keep getting hurt because i expect too highly of everyone.

so now do i really have to just give up on wanting to believe that all of you are worth my trust and time? i fell once, twice, thrice, infinity times, every little fall i thought would make me a stronger person and that i would not repeat my mistakes. but no, in fact, i keep bringing unnecessary troubles to myself. as if my life isn't full of dramas yet huh.

i trust you. trust trust trust. bloody trust. bloody think that you want the best for me, bloody think that you would treat me the way i treat you.

i gave you chances. you ruined it. i gave you again. and you ruined it AGAIN. so what you want now? Another chance? and then ruin it again?what am i to you huh? Everything i've said to you is all out of sincerity, all i want is the best for you. you don't have to just ignore me like all i'm doing for you is complete bullshit. yes, actually in fact, i do not have to do that for you, i'm doing it because i care. now it seems like what i'm doing is i'm bringing trouble to myself. and the funny thing is, i'm starting to believe that it's true, i'm creating a big pool of mess and i have to fucking clean that up.

fine. i deserve all of this. i keep spending my time on the wrong person. next time please don't give me what bf shit. there's no point faking like i'm one of yours when obviously you do not think i'm. since you think i don't deserve any of your care or attention or whatever, please just say it. they say no secrets at all. i respect you if you have one. but really, hiding everything from me, when you know sooner or later i'm gonna know it through someone else? seriously? do you know what it feels like having to find something personally related to you from some other people instead of you when i thought that you could have told me? maybe you don't. but when you do experience it someday, you'll get it.

and then this distance thing. how many people, whom went overseas, are still so close with their friends back in their hometown? like talking so much sharing so much hanging out so much without feeling awkward and without having to think hard for a convo to flow? you think it's easy huh? it requires trust, sacrifice and everything. maintaining whatever relationship over a long distance needs a lot of effort. to keep up to date to what's happening back here is not easy. to make sure that you and you and you are fine are not upset is not easy. nothing is easy. i took the initiative to keep in touch, how many did the same? yes fine maybe i do value everything more than anyone, and always care more than anyone, but really? like i'm the one who had to do everything, and when i let go, it's goodbye forever. i didn't want to lose all of this, if i risk not taking the initiative i know i'm gonna lose it all. why can't you and you and you just do the same? is it really hard or is it you don't give a damn at all?

they say don't trust a person too much. people who backstab you are often your best friends. because they know everything about you. they know your weakness.
but enemies don't. now i rather go to a place full of strangers, with the possible risk that i might get killed by them, rather than staying with everyone i know so much about around me. i rather die anonymously than having to suffer from the feeling of being betrayed by those so-called bffs.

Winter holidays!

2011-12-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

So I suddenly remembered that.. i haven't share anything about what i've done in Malaysia in the past holidays, uhmm around June. Yup. All of you know I'm such a hangout-holic, i cannot stay at home everyday seriously. I just love all my friends too much i guess. HAHAHA.

SO NOW, i shall blog about what i've been doing in the June-July holidays :) since i've got nothing to do, i don't have the mood to start my holiday homework :O

All the outings/events that occurred are not gonna be in order, because yours truly hasn't possess such awesome memory to record EXACT SEQUENCES of everything,yet. I might have that ability soon HAHAHA!

So some day during June/July, I met up with Jing, obviously at sunway, and the point is WE DINED at sakae sushi, it was my FIRST VIRGIN TIME EVER! HAHA! anyway the food was good and the dessert we ordered was yummy! It's like green tea something icecream thingy.

My fav photo of Jing :D

The point of taking these photos are to show that jing has weird fingers.. hmm..

Photos to give you guys warning about how're we gonna look like about maybe hmm 50 years later? haha!

AND THEN, on some days during June/July, i had badminton training, well not only once but several times. i seriously am not improving, i feel so guilty :( my coach's good its just me :((

My amazing brother and I :)

and then on some other day during June/July, I met up with these bunch of people. Mabelle, Denise and Joshua! Since i cannot drive yet, they drove all the way from penang. i felt so bad again :(:( Y U PEOPLE ALL SO NAIS ONE ?!

I LOVE THEIR FACES IN THIS PHOTO! HAHA!

TOP : a photo of my beloved mummy and I on some day haha

BOTTOM: attended my dad's collegue or someone's wedding with the family ♥

on a particular day during June/July, I decided to play with my poodle- Minoky! She's so smart and so cute i love her so much. now she's getting older now, would be turning six next year april :( i really don't want her to leave me and the family. she's been such a great companion :)

She's just so adorable ♥

and the next event was during clb's canteen day, but i forgot the specific date. That day, I went back to school to visit everyone. it was BLOODY hot that day i remembered, and that time i loved my red-tee so much i wore it so often. people thought i don't change my clothes -___- i do okay!

and yesh, i was so in a wtf-mood that day because friends' parents' thought i was my 18-year-friend's elder sister or even mum wtf. and some students VERY SWEETLY CALLED ME ' AUNTY DO YOU WANT TO BUY FROM US?' i was like wtf. am i that old? And what made it even worse was my previous civic teacher assumed that i graduated long ago because of the length of my hair. i told her i was f5 she didn't believe me and said i was lying -,-

i was like this..

Y U ALL NO TRUST ME -____- I'M NOT THAT OLD SERIOUSLY.

I'LL SHOW YOU ALL PHOTOS. you can judge whether i actually do look old or not.

i'm so pretty right. where got old HAHAHAH! PEOPLE are just all jealous of my long hair i know!

with angie one of my bff :)

and then after that, i went to sunway to meet with these friends.

Angie, Itik, and the rest of A1's people.

group photo!

and then one day, i went to sunway again -___- with jing to meet up with chris ! :):)

only one photo, some one without my face. HAHA

and the next event is..

hmm. oh i went to church and as usual camwhored with these bunch of camera-spammers XD

left : mabelle, me , naomi and grace

right : grace the adorable baby girl <3

the girl in purple is stephanie :) she went to UK to further her studies. and the sisters are Joy and Joella :) and after that, i went to jing's house for some kind of gathering, i don't really remember. but here you go, some photos, two to be exact. AHA!

AND on one day, i went to school again, to have lunch with my bulut gang/ botak likes to kick jiao jiao de bola and eat chao ta eh roti gang. haha but it was strictly girls so no boys. haha! we took heaps of photos and these below are only like less that 1/4 of them!

the four other girls beside me that day-

Left to right : Shimin, Jenny, Angie and huiyuan :D

these two pictures combined : it says LOVE NERI :D AWW

LOVE THEM :D

The others left pretty early. we were all competing to see whose parents would be the last. and in the end, it wasn't mine. it was going to be either me or shimin. but i won HAHA. anyways we camwhored more to let the other jealous LOL

and on one day, i visited my godparents who took care of me since young. seriously they're so amazing, they treated me like their own daughter. i'm so grateful to have them. now they're babysitting a new baby from china, she's so adorable.

i'm very in love with babies ♥

and i went for undang course, and when i was doing my practice questions, i got this mark..

100% !!

I WAS SO TOUCHED AND SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

IT'S BEEN 8375409837245 YEARS SINCE I LAST GOT 100% IN ANY TEST! HAHAH

but in the real undang test, i only got 45/50 :D at least i didn't fail right!

and on some other day again, haha! sorry if you're getting bored with the same sentence. i don't know any ways to write anymore, bear with me thanks :)

we shopped for our formal dresses and there you go, these are what we've chosen :D

and not to forget, camwhoring all the while throughout the holidays in June/July!

since i showed you guys pretty pretty pictures of mine already, as usual, my tradition, gonna give you something eww. HAHA! hope you enjoyed reading :D

Fat-ified neri :)

P/S: next time gonna talk about what i've done during my summer holidays!

Lots of love, Neri xx

i want you to be happy.

2011-12-14T21:37:00.001+08:00

Greetings world!

Everyone deserves to be happy. and so do you.

Not everyone gets the chance of being liked by someone or even the chance of discovering someone whom they really like/love. All those wonderful love stories as seen in the movies, rarely happen in real life because they're all either, unrealistic or too good to be true. But still, there're so many lovey-dovey couples out there whom are all envied by almost everyone, including me.

Yes, I don't have anyone. I keep saying i'm gonna be # forever alone, cos that's the trend lol. but i actually wish i'm not going to be like that *fingers crossed* Who doesn't want to be loved and taken care of by someone? Even pets do okay.

Many people refuse to admit their feelings for someone because they're afraid that the other half doesn't have the same feelings and hence they're gonna be rejected and be hurt. But, how do you know they don't feel the same way as you do? It's only your own doubts and fears, so why not give it a try? Even though in the end you might not get the result you wanted, but at least you know you've tried, and since you've tried, you would not have any regrets. At least you can tell yourself you've fight for your happiness. You didn't just stand there and give up right?

If you didn't give it a go, you watch him walking away, maybe linking arms with some other person and there you go, poof, you're devastated, depressed etc etc. The 'some other person' could have been you, DO YOU KNOW THAT?For two person to get together, sometimes it's as easy as ABC, sometimes it's not. it depends on fate sometimes. If you two are meant to be together, you will end up together if not, vice-versa. but if you have the chance, please grab it :) I don't want to see you being unhappy, holding on this, knowing that you could have been more happier.

If you've got hurt, you gotta stand up and keep walking. Life's like that, you have to move forward. I don't like seeing you being hurt, being sad. I don't like seeing tears on you. You're always bubbly, happy. But if falling infinity times means you having your deserved happiness, then why not fall for infinity times? The process of something is always said to be more important than the end result. One day when you get together with your partner, thinking back of how you guys got together would be one goddamn beautiful memory to be remembered always :D

i really want you to be happy. please, fight for it :) I know you're strong enough to do this again. I'll be by your side always, even if you fall, you wouldn't fall hard this time because i'll be right behind you.

P/S: i have this vision that we'll be talking for forever about everything, anything. why didn't it happen? :(

BIRTH :D

2011-12-12T21:38:00.000+08:00

Matthew, Jing and I created a blog together to jot down our stories together. Since it's about the three of us , it's named MNJ !

M.N.J ♥

Hope you guys'll enjoy reading it :D

2011-12-09T12:23:00.001+08:00

FLYING OFF IN 10 HOURS.

ARRIVING TOMORROW! :D

BIRTH-DAY :D

2011-12-08T09:26:00.001+08:00

First of all,
Congratulations to all of you, who survived SPM !! I'm so proud of all of you :) It ain't easy I know, you've all gone through immense stress and pressure I know. I cannot say I understand what you guys feel or experience yadda yadda because that's gonna be complete crap coz I didn't take the exam and crammed in like 3472908573 chapters in my head like you all. So i'll just say instead, glad that all of you can finally relax now :D

I had a good birthday, nothing grand but simple, yet warm and sweet :) It's nice to have people remembering your birthday and wishing you. Not via facebook birthday reminders HAHA. I know some people just couldn't get everyone's birthday on the top of their heads coz their brain spaces are used up or they just are not gifted, like me to remember people's birthday HAHA. I understand that and hence it's okay if you didn't wish me. It's fine :) But of course, I EXPECT MY FAMILY TO REMEMBER! coz they brought me into this world and how can they forget the day on which my mum painfully gave birth to me into this world? Like they would forget right. So far they haven't which is good :)

Here are a few, maybe more than a few thank-yous to you guys :
-Thanks to my family for the birthday wishes!
- Thanks to MJ for the birthday text, that I believed travelled 3000+ miles to arrive at my inbox.
- THANKS INFINITY to chris for dedicating a birthday post to me :) I'm really touched and i'm so grateful to know you and to hang out with you, though only one time! I'M SURE and i'll make sure that it'll happen more often from now on! Here's the link! :D
Christine Lim's :)
- Thanks to my Taiwan's bestf-Viv for her birthday card, rocky-road chocolate (I shall give it a name) and bikini! HAHA. determination to get fit TROLOLLLL
- Thanks to the awesome group of friends, Gracca, Jesslyn, Brianna and Jason for the birthday dinner and the gifts, SO HAPPY THAT MY SPONGEBOB FAMILY IS EXPANDING and really thanks to Gracca for the lift home *EYES FILLED WITH TEARS OF GRATITUDE*
-Thanks to all those that wished on twitter, facebook and whatsapp! e.g EVERYONE!!

So on the 6th of December....

the Worboys sisters- Maxi and Jaime stuck lollies and chocolates on my door early in the morning. I heard them, coz i have awesome hearing senses AHHA.

Viv made me yummy chocolate! There's marshmallows and oreo cookies in it :) Very sinful, very fattening but who cares? It's once a year HOPEFULLY. HAHA!

Sam sent me this e-card through facebook :) Love myself in the pink hair HAHAAH

Inspiration to get fit?! AHAHA!

Then, I went to the city alone, on a shopping spree. Never have I ever shopped that crazy before. I spent about $300 and felt guilty afterwards. But oh well, once in a while doesn't harm right? Actually it still does hurt. I feel bad for my parents' hard-earned money :C

After the killer-shopping-spree, I met up with viv for lunch!

Lunch was around 3pm. The food portion was like wth- HUGEEEEEEEEEE!

THE BEST THING WAS...

I got free drinks for my birthday!

The feeling is awesome when you ordered a drink, and the person asked you to pay, then you gave them your member card and said today's your birthday. and their face goes from =) to =/ , thinking : eff you! Y U BIRTHDAY TODAY, I CANNOT EARN OK. HAHA

Veryy happy for the free drinks :D

#LIKEABOSS!

and then after I went to meet these bunch of awesome friends!

They're Gracca, Jesslyn, Brianna and Jason !

MY FIRST BIRTHDAY CAKE EVER IN AUSTRALIA :)

These awesome people made my day :D And so my birthday ended wonderfully. Thanks to everyone, all of your wishes made my day even better!

and today, Georgia made me this poop cake, it's delicioussss! finished within minutes HAHA!it's actually chocolate ripple cake, but she specifically made into poop form, Just for me! Well the reason is because she knows I love winnie the pooh and pooh and poop are kinda like homophones. so yeah. hee!!

*****

TOP: my expanding spongebob collection!

BOTTOM: What've I shopped + what I've received :D

Thanks again to all of you :)

So now Christmas's coming, hope you guys would have an awesome Xmas with your loved ones! Any plans? As for me, I'm going to Singapore with J !

And Dear Santa, can I please have these as my Xmas gifts?

If I could, life is officially complete <3

Lots of love, Neri

Goddess.

2011-12-05T08:54:00.001+08:00

Now the whole world is crazy about her.

Men or women. HAHA.

She's so hawt, sexayyy- ahhh a true goddess :)

Breakfast @ Tiffany's

2011-12-04T08:26:00.001+08:00

A BIG WAVE TO ALL OF YOU !

So,I'm back to blogging again after hibernating for hmm, like almost a month ( in this case I also mean no proper blog posts) Thanks for all the patience :)

I bet it's every girl's dream to dine with Audrey Hepburn, hopefully in a small cafe with awesome ambience along the street with Tiffany's & Co. just right at the corner, yeah?

as if you'll miss the chance having brekkie with a goddess !

I'm such a lucky person, coz together with all the boarders and a few staff members, we get to dine with her @ Tiffany&CO's !!!

p/s: sorry for the crappy quality of the photos - all taken from iphone. Never buy iphone coz it'll make you super lazy in using proper camera. i'm serious.

Inside Tiffany's HAHA

see we even had new york skylines!

Table settings :)

The best deco (?) or probably background setting of all I think.

oh of course, the colourful lights were so pretty, the ambience is like 5-star restaurant ok. AHAHA!

So Abby and I, who are the captain and vice captain of boarders have to organize this boarders farewell dinner for all the Year 12 boarders. So we came up with a few ideas and themes- like cartoon characters, gossip girl etc. in the end, we picked breakfast at tiffany's coz we thought it's unique and pretty cool :)We did everything ourselves, cutting the newyork skylines, cutting out locks, keys, letters on silver papers.Abby drew Audrey Hepburn on the board, it's AMAZINGGGG! that's why I SAID we dined with her.HAHAHA.

We even googled tiffany's address in America to make everything so real and perfect. Ahh, sincerity and perfection :)

Not to forget this BIG APPLE. my awesome creation with the assistance of my bf-viv :) It's so pretty until I have it as a deco in my room. HAHA !

Left to right. Sam, Yours truly, Vivien and Abby. I look disgustingly fat with all the double chins and ew.

Cheers ! :D

Staff members,left to right,

Beth, Andrea and Em :)

the masterminds of this event :P

Since the theme is based on breakfast @ tiffany's , the menu was also made to fit the theme. How amazing is that! So, these are the dishes :

Entree

Main Dish. Ok. i don't think this is very breakfast-ish -,-

BUT, ITS SUPER YUMMEHHHH :)

AND THEN, desserts!

Fruits, sweet cupcakes and chocolate pudding!

I didn't have time to take any because by the time i wanna snap the choc pudding, it's all gone- into everyone's tummies hahahah

Happy & sad faces.

UGH MY FAT ARMS. I REALLY DON'T WANNA GO BACK NOW. TT

Abby and Viv :)

AND NOW.....

THE MAIN CHARACTERS....

Oh yeah. We gave them the teddies- its the tradition passed on for years already, so all boarders, besides the Year 12's wrote wishes on the bear for each person. and also they received tiffany's gift boxes with pearls and tiaras in it. HOW SWEET OF US RIGHT XD

from this angle, this bear looks so creeepyyyyyy -________-

but it has eyelashies and pretty hari accessories added by viv and me ahaha. so cute rite :)

hmm, now here are all the sexy-hawt-looking photobombers :P

Talie and Abby

Abby and yours truly :)

Pop and Talie.

The indonesians :)

Carissa, Abby, Claudia !

Group photos !

Sisterly love :)

OHH HOW CAN I FORGET THIS AMAZING CHEF that made all our dishes!

He's Irish and he loves singing in the kitchen!

He's such a cutie pie,everybody loves him, too bad he left :(

Can you feel the love ? :)

Two of my favourite shots <3

and this is our head of boarding.

Lovin' the shades indoors dayummm ! HAHA

and then after all pretty formal phototakings at the 'restaurant', as usual, we had our little epic photosesh :)

most of these girls are in year 12, like my sis, pop,claw and carissa, and the graduated this year already, how am i gonna survive year 12 without all of you? I miss you guys already :(:(

Hope all of you enjoy the dining process @ our 'tiffany's' store xD

again, as usual, my time to shine LOL !

Silly as always ahaha. who cares right?

Being happy is one way of being wise :)

Lots of love, Neri xx

2011-11-23T11:19:00.001+08:00

Exams still in progress. can die ok wtf.
Anyways, done two, two more to go. wait. actually three.

WHYY TIME YOU NO PASS FASTER T^T
MEHHH. its ok. two more weeks only.

I CAN DO IT :D
And to all of you, best of luck in SPM :)

this post is super unnecessary and crappy. i know right.
its ok. i feel better updating it rather than leaving it dead.

#WIN !

I like ze trolling way of blogging, its so quteee. ze bomb.

LOL. slap me. my troll mood would be gone, i can guarantee, in the next post :p

Lots of TROLL LOVE from ze blogger ♥

Post-exam depression

2011-11-09T11:59:00.002+08:00

It's only when the moment the supervisors said ' Pens down' , you start to question why didn't you use your time well when answering the questions. It's only when you got back your results, you question yourself ' Why haven't I put in just a little more effort? I could have done better. SO MUCH BETTER.'

What can I say for this? Serve you right.
But, for those who really put in all the effort, time and practises, yet failed to achieve what they've strived for. One phrase for you- better luck next time.

Luck & Fate ; Life & Fairness.They will never be equal.

What's the point mourning over spilt milk?
Methods is over. Might redo again next year. Shall see how I went.

Good luck to all students who're having exams :)

不知道该怎么命名

2011-11-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

看了大家的毕业文章, 心里也有一丝感动。你们很幸运哦都能有两次的毕业典礼哈哈虽然人不在，但我能体会离别的感受。毕竟自己已经经历过了嘛。感动的是，大家都会舍不得会挂念会伤心。谁不会会呢哈哈

好了就这样你们都毕业了还想当年我们刚升初中大家都很兴奋然后大家很期待毕业因为 1.不喜欢校规 2.很向往毕业后的生活现在勒大家都很想要时光倒流人就那么矛盾哦哈哈

我们都不知道以后会怎样谁知道10年后20年后的我们会是什么样子别讲10年20年明年都不知道是不是世界末日最好不是我还想要过我的生活OK 真的希望我们能有reunion 回忆当年大家的回忆-上学的日子，疯狂的日子etc.

我真的很想你们。每次看到你们一起读书一起出去一起疯狂心里都会质疑自己所作的决定我不后悔可是有时又很后悔我很欠打阿

好了不讲了我可能写得很不抒情 but who cares 我的表达能力很差阿现在TT

祝你们全部考试顺利拼阿加油啊

我的breakfast @ tiffany's 的文章考完试在POST。
XOXO.

马泰：
拜托你不要只看CBOX好不好看看你的POST的COMMENTS。我有COMMENT，去看啦 :)
JING:
我有时在你的CBOX留言过后就没有看了哈哈哈而且每次留言的时候都被你们一大堆的COMMENT弄得很CONFUSED. LOL.

2011-10-27T19:37:00.002+08:00

Stay tuned ! :D

Sunshine!

2011-10-22T19:47:00.003+08:00

It's the second week of school already. I'm gonna get busier soon. So while I have the time, i shall blog of something fun, and less stressful HEEE:)
So, during the holidays, besides rotting at my guardian'a place, doing practice exams, playing sports, having food adventure, we also went to the beach.

I love the beach. I love the wind. the sun. the sea. the peace and quiet :) and the people !

So we went walking on one morning.

The weather was perfect.

How clear is the sea. How pretty is the sky. AHHHH.

Ahh... SERENITY :D

I don't think she needs any introduction.

Tracy Lee !

She has this really cool cammie with all kinds of effects, which includes my fav FISH EYE!

So you get to turn the camera screen around facing you- good for selfies queen like me yo! but then instead of looking at the lens, i look at the screen, and that's why my eyes are like tewtewtoingg- looking upwards.

TOTALLY UNNECESSARY EXPLANATIONS I KNOW

-___- WHATEVER.

I met my schoolmate, Emma and her brother there.

How cute are they *loves*

#randomsign #boats&rocks #people #sun #lovelyday

Here are some pretty shots of mother nature :

# Purple flowers.

# a random child on scooter

# a cute little doggie *AWs*

#colour mode ON :)

OOH, not to forget tracy's friend came along.

See the human being leaning on the little structure?

Apparently he told us he was sleeping up there, when I was screaming at him like a retard down there.

LOL.

& These are my fav shots :

....of birds!

and not to forget, the usual epic photo of mine ....

READY?

I CAN HAZ AN ANIMAL DOPPELANGER TOO !!!

2011-10-19T18:06:00.000+08:00

keep in touch your ass

2011-10-17T19:09:00.001+08:00

This picture is totally unrelated, but is used to contrast what's below there :)
Hope it works :p

Looking at your post, I don't know how or why, i'm in tears.

It might be the fact that I haven't feel like I'm appreciated by people for ages already. and now looking at what you wrote, it just somehow touches me. I never regret knowing you. Thanks so much for bringing joy in my life, and I'm really happy that I have such importance in your life. Also, it's my pleasure to help you, whenever you need, just ask & I'll be there. Don't ever think that all the help and time you need is bothering me, it never does, never will :D In short, what I know is, life wouldn't be as amazing as it is now without you guys.

you know what kept me going on when i'm down over here? my family. yes. but when they're not available, it's those amazing people whom i call friends/ best friends. they keep me holding on.

I used to not believe in long distance relationships, be it friendship or love. What i thought previously was that how can a relationship possibly work if the people cannot physically be at each other's side, and how would it be alright if there's no trust, which would be established based on being able to see each other physically? How can you know that the other person did not cheat behind your back? How can you be so sure that the other person will not change to be whatever you fear of after being exposed to a different environment? You never know, all you can do is pray hard that the other person would stay the same and HAVE FAITH in them :)

However, some things are easier said than done. You said you have faith in them, you trust them. But, in the end, why lie to yourself? Admit it. Your biggest fear would trigger your insecurities, and thus causing you to doubt them and hence creating conflicts. If they are understanding ,*hopefully they are * then both of you can move pass the mistake and start again, then good. But if worse comes to worse, break up is always the solution.

anyways, that's what i thought. until recently. especially after all those skype sessions with MJ. i started to have hope in long distance relationships, in this case, friendship. Since last year, when I left, I tried so hard to keep in touch with everyone, seeing how most people say ~~'keep in touch'~~ in goodbye letters and farewells. HOWEVER, NOT EVERYONE KEPT THEIR WORDS, sadly. I'm the one who seemed like a super annoying and desperate person, trying so hard, wasting so much time emailing people who don't give a damn to reply me, leaving me staring at the computer screen, refreshing my mailbox every fucking 5 seconds like a total idiot.

I also came to the realization that not everyone has the best friend material that suits you. All those 'xoxo' and 'love you' are just trendy words and some people shamelessly typed them without meaning it. And not to mention those ~~'keep in touch'~~ , they fail miserably seriously. So, please, don't fucking write 'keep in touch' to me when you don't mean it or you don't have the intention of putting in efforts to maintain in contact.

*recalls past ends here*

Life is about the present and the future, let's not dwell in the past, if not i'm going to be so outraged, disappointed etc.

So yeah, I have faith again. None of you would understand my feeling, when I skyped with them. It's like there's people who actually gives a damn about you, care about you, offering you their support and are ready to listen to your problems. And it's through skype, though they're not here physically, but their words and gestures gave me a boost mentally. and I'm so grateful for what you've all done- sacrificing studying time, and also sneakily get on skype to chat with me though your parents would not possibly be happy about it. Words would not be able to describe my gratitude.

In short, a sincere thanks to you guys as well as a big bear hug :D

P/S: i used to love the phrase keep in touch, now it's top on my fear/hate list. Thanks to you( yeah right you, to the you who thinks that it's you TEEHEE)

Love, Neri

Awaiting.

2011-10-16T19:18:00.003+08:00

From last year, and now 32 days left!

Twilight Breaking Dawn

TWILIGHT FANS, put your hands up in the air and get excited :D
especially J :D

gap.

2011-10-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

what've i learnt so far.
you will never be able to fit in into a group of close-bonded people.
no matter how hard you try, or how willing they are to accept you.
you just wouldn't fit. your expectations would make you uber disappointed.

so save it. i'm not gonna try anymore.

MNJ ♥

2011-10-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

What's your favourite brand of clothing?
Nike? Forever 21? or MNG?

Mine's MNJ :D COOL EH??!
What does it stands for though??

MNJ- They're like my clothes, they protect me from everything, i guess. Not literally everything. not when i fall down over here in melbourne duh..HAHA! They're my malaysia best friends:)
I have bestfriends in Aussie too!

Jing

Who's immature? You or me? OF COURSE YOU OKAY(in a good way though teehee!) anyway, i honestly don't know how we became so close, and hey i'm your jiejie? Since when? i'm half a year younger than you okay but i do admit i'm slightly more mature than you and that's why i gave you all those very sisterly advices. HAHA! You're way too soft-hearted. it's good but some people tend to take advantage on you and i don't want that to happen. I don't like seeing you being hurt, really. Hey, never think you're a problem to anyone okay? And stop blaming yourself from everything too. Don't take all the fault, don't shoulder all the responsibility. Sometimes, just breathe and let it go.

I know saying something is easy, it's the taking-the-action-part that's hard. I might not go through what you've been through, and hence wouldn't thoroughly understand what you feel, but that doesn't mean that i really don't know what's going on with you. I know every single damn thing, like you say, i have longer aerial than you do XD

You're always seen as a cheerful person, like nothing's ever gonna bother you, but we all know that, sometimes you suffer alone inside and then when it slowly builds up, you'll explode. and the cycle goes on. I don't want you to be like this okay? Don't ever think you're bothering us, because all the time we spent on you is NOT A WASTE OF TIME. Like what Matt says, don't chase us away like houseflies okay! We really care about you, we're always here when you need!

You've been an amazing friend, best friend too! Once is, forever is <3

Matt

Oh hey, i remember i didn't like you that much when you first entered our class. I guess not many people did because of your arrogance.(no offense, but now you see you're so well-known and well-liked as the sunshine boy XD). I don't have a touching story of oh-i've-met-my-long-lost-friend like what you and J had, but that doesn't mean the friendship between us is nothing okay! You're one of my best friends too :) MY GUY BEST FRIEND!! Without you, my life wouldn't be as good as it is now. I love how you have the happy-go-lucky spirit outside and jokes about everything which makes life so much better and less depressing too. Ahhh.. i love it when J and I come to you with our problems and you just go.. haiya just maintain la.maintain la okay. problem solved already..

A seemingly complicated problem just got solved like this, by you.
which makes Jing and I super speechless, we wanna cry and laugh at the same time.

And the jokes you created. being around you, there's always laughter. I can bet no one can ever remain silent beside you. You just talk to people so easily you're just awesome. I think even the world's biggest antisocial introverted person would go bilibalabilibala if you're next to them.

Like you said, you're really kind-hearted. again, i worry about you. I'm scared that people would use this as a weak spot to take advantage of you. Ahh, you and Jing are like little children huh.. always make me worried. and the worst thing is, i'm like physically separated from you guys okay :C

And oh Matt, please don't give up easily okay and also sort out your priorities. Don't make decisions in a hurry and ending up losing the two most important things in your life. You know what I mean right. We want you to be happy of course, we'll have a mini celebration for you for your success, seeing now you've already managed to establish quite a good relationship huh :D remember. BROS over HOES. never forget your bestbuds okay!

M & J. (michael jackson? LOL)
You guys mean a lot to me.
I'm sorry if I hurt any of you in anyway, i don't mean it at all.
I'm sorry I left you guys waiting for me on Skype the other day, honestly I had no idea and I felt so bad until now :(
I'm sorry I occupied your study time to skype :(:(
I'm sorry I'm not physically there for you guys when you guys needed me :(

I really appreciate what you've guys had done for me. There's no way that words can express my gratitude. I'm blessed with awesome people like you all :D I'm so used to listening to the transformer song as well as those list of korean songs playing on my computer everyday. Everything that's related to you all, i'm basically stalking it everyday HAHA. It feels so good to be able to just blurt out anything everything anytime everytime to you guys. I don't even care how i look in front of you all, you've seen me at my worst and my best, what's there to hide?

I'll never forget the moments I spent with you guys :D

I wanna be there for your weddings, and when you need someone to help name your children!

Matt, I love your face AHAHA!

SO, WHAT DOES MNJ STANDS FOR??

Matthew, Neri, Jing :D

♥

Guys, remember to stay hungry,

stay foolish and stay happy!

You'll always be missed.

2011-10-06T17:26:00.001+08:00

So this is what you'll see when you get on safari.
Steve Jobs's heart might have stop beating, but his spirit would never die.
He might have left the world, but he'll always be remembered.
He taught us that by believing in yourself, never settling down and working towards what you want would lead you to success. He wasn't brilliant when he was a kid, but see now, he was the CEO of Apple :)

There's a tweet saying " God wants to listen to music, hence He took Michael Jackson away. God now wants to use iPhone 5, hence Steve Jobs is taken." LOL.

Now he's gone, who's next? No one would know. You'll never know what's gonna happen next. All deaths are unexpected. So tell those whom you loved you love them before it's too late.

Life's full of surprises.
& Life's short.
Appreciate it and live a meaningful life :D

Enjoy the sunset, watch your favourite movie, eat your favourite ice-cream, tell your mummy you love her, kiss your partners and tell them you love them.
...before you lose everything and regret later.

and to you. so now. who's the B?

I'm on a date with...

2011-10-05T15:53:00.015+08:00

Enough with all the words. Enough with all the sorrows and depression. Here's a happy post :D

So I'm currently staying @ my guardian's place. She has two children, one of which who goes to the same school with me, she's Tracy. We're food addicts. We keep searching for food everywhere though we're not really hungry.
You know, we just want something to munch on, and we just can't stop HAHA.

So one day, when we were bored, with a plate of fresh strawberries in front of us,
i suggested we go on a date with...

.........CHOCOLATE ♥

HAHA WHAT WERE YOU GUYS THINKING? LOL.

anyways, we ended up with this....

READY??

TADAHHH :D

It was UHHH-AMAAZINGGGGGG :D

*drools* now typing this is making me craving for this :C

P/S: Homemade one kay XD

Then when the strawberries were almost finished, whilst my sister was out, buying stuff

I CALLED HER, to get marshmellows :D WEW!

THUMBS UP INFINITY :D

Those marshmellows are so so so so sooooo soft. dipped into the chocolate fondue, MELT INSTANTLY IN YOUR MOUTH.. AHHHHHHHHHH~

Ever heard of people high on sugar? I think i'm the perfect example :)

I began to get high. AND hence all these retarded poses HAHA!

AREN'T I CUTE :) AW!

INTRODUCING...

my partner in crime - Tracy :D

DO NOT EVER SNATCH MY FOOD,

else you shall face the consequences...

HAHA!

I'M UBER PROTECTIVE OF MY FOOD.

WHO DOESN'T? HAHA.

& then since it's too delicious, i decided to take a commercial like photo for Lindt, though the chocolate we melted isn't from Lindt.

there're more retarded ones on facebook. if you wish to have a look.

i high recommend no. :)

anyway, we had so much chocolate in a day.

not only this chocolate fondue, but also chocolate mousse, as well as chocolate pudding...

and they're ALL BEFORE DINNER...

though fattening, but satisfied :D

SO ITS ALRIGHT

*consoles guilty self*

by the way, who the hell says no to chocolate right ?!

MY PLAN TO KEEP FIT ~~PHAILED.COM~~

ANYHOW,

Shall end this with an AWESOME photo of mine,

i think i should be crowned retarded queen -,-

i'm the most eligible person to hold this title, don't you think so?

And if i ever end up being forever alone,

it's okay as long as I have them

Our very own angry bird :)

and oh MY LOVE <3

Too late to apologize?

2011-10-04T14:26:00.002+08:00

SO. imagine yourself being a sink....

where people spit in constantly

or...

A toilet bowl where poo and pee are your best friends...

No one likes you because you're filthy and disgusting. But, you barely have any choice as you are created and fated to 'swallow' phlegms, poo and pee. How would you feel?

even though some people looked up on you for doing your job well, for most people, they still despise you for having such a filthy and unhygienic job. So yeah, you'll feel very rejected, devalued and hurt.

Same with humans. We all have feelings. Some people tend to be more sensitive than others and vice versa. If you exclude or ignore a person just because they're different from you or they're doing something you dislike or ,even something that's totally against your values in life, how would they feel? Just imagine yourself in their situations. You don't want to feel that way, so do others.The world does not revolve around you, so for god's sake, think about other peoples' feelings too. Accept people for who they are, as it is the differences between people that makes life interesting.

Or you prefer to have 1 million of clones who're exactly like you? Isn't that boring?

Nobody in this world is perfect. So are you and me. So, instead of constantly picking on other peoples' flaws, and being frustrated about it, why not try looking at their good sides and who knows maybe you can learn from them? I guess we just expect too much, we expect people to be perfect because we want them to even though we're not and we know that isn't possible. WE JUST WANT TO.

and because of this, broken relationships, friendships and families are very common.

When you know someone new, you want them to have a good first impression on you.

When they know you, you want them to be friends with you.

When they are friends with you, you hope that they have common interests with you.

When they have common interests with you, if its the opposite sex, you hope that he/she will like you.

When they like you, and you like them, you want them to be in a relationship with you.

When they are in a relationship with you, you want them to stay by your side, like what? 24/7?

or if not, you'll be accusing them for having an affair or not loving you as much anymore or whatever shit. people are very good at this.

You just keep wanting more. Who doesn't right?

When we have something, sometimes we take it for granted, and ended up losing it.

When we have something, sometimes we don't appreciate, and ended up losing it.

it's either this or that.

I want things to go in my way. Who doesn't right?

Sometimes it does, sometimes it does not. But sometimes, I really crossed the line.

When things are going on fine, I don't appreciate it and I really regretted when I lost the opportunity and when things are not good, I blamed people. This is what I do. Indirectly, I've hurt maybe lots of people, some are intentional, some aren't. But whatever the reason, I shouldn't have done it.

I'm so sorry, to all of you whom I've hurt.

Dear you, I took your feelings for me for granted. I don't know whether you mean it or not, but you did confessed. Whatever it was, I shouldn't have fool you around, take you for granted. I knew I cannot be in a relationship, but I wanted to experience the feeling of being wanted, hence I kept it going on, I'm so sorry if I broke your heart. You sent me the sweetest message, and I appreciate that, i'll never forget that. I'm not sure you'll be reading this, and I don't know if you'll ever forgive me but still, I'm really sorry. And for what I've done, I guess karma really hits back twice as hard.

To the other you,the way you treated me is exactly how I treated the other you. but this time, what I got is twice as hard. You shouldn't have lead me on, so I wouldn't have to be that depressed. Yeah it's mostly my fault, but partially yours too. I don't know what we are now, I don't give a damn anymore. I still care for you as a friend, but if you're not gentleman enough to at least appreciate this, then fine. For me to look at you in a different way is hard enough, suppressing my feelings ain't easy, listening to you telling me that you have your eyes set on someone is not fucking easy either. If you want to fool me, it's fine. But please, do not play with that girl's heart.

I admit, this time is the worst. I tried many ways to forget everything

Yes time does heal, but memories keep coming back like a ghost, haunting me.

I guess I deserve what I get since I've hurt people as well.

I'm really sorry.

I looked happy on the outside.

In fact, the happiest person seems to be the loneliest one.

It's true.

anyways, whilst this post's atmosphere is still gloomy,

What goes around, comes around.

2011-10-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

So it's a brand new month :) There goes the old, and here comes the new. Let bygones be bygones. Move on and don't live in the past.

Hope it'll be a great month ahead.

Anyway, had an awesome skype session with J last night :)

HOW CUTE IS SHE !!!

Talking to her makes me feel a lot better every time when i'm down. she's one great friend whom you wouldn't wanna lose. for those who don't appreciate her, it's your loss. she's one of those whom i feel really comfortable being around with. we talked for almost 4 hours (WOW ) despite the fact that we haven't been talking for so long ( and also the fact that it's our first time using skype HAHA) . We're squealing like excited kids who got lollies when we first turned on the webcam , AHHH we're the cutest! it's great to have her <3 She's definitely one of the most loving, caring, innocent person i've ever known. I wish she's right beside me right now :)

Life's full of up-s and down-s I have to say. one moment you're on the top on a roller coaster ride, soon without realizing, it's your turn to be down there. Who's with you when you're up there having fun is not what matters, what actually matters most is who's with you when you're having the shittest moments of your life crying like a mad woman. Friendship, like other relationships, isn't any easier to handle. I wish it was that easy. Love ain't easy, love is complicated, so is friendship. All those high school dramas, backstabbing, bitching, bullying, god knows when it'll all come to an end. I thought everyone's growing up, but apparently no, some people just love being the centre of attention. and seemingly being immature is the only way to achieve their desire of being in the limelight. Oh pfft, whatever, like i care about all the fame and glory you have. This is not about me, it's about people who I care and love. They are important to me, defending them and protecting them is what I do when they're hurt and depressed.

Well we are all graduating already. not me, i'm graduating next year. but most of you are. i really don't understand why some of you are still so narrow-minded, so petty and so fussy over some absolute ridiculous unnecessary matters. Like really ? Don't you have your exams to prepare for or some other more important things which i'm sure, are more worthy of your attention? Or your life is just about stirring up trouble in other peoples' lives? How can all of you be so judgmental? What you see is only the surface, you don't even know what people've gone through to reach there or become who they are now and you just make an assumption about it. What fucking rights do you have seriously? I'm sure none of you like being judged, then why the fuck you judge? if you're really a friend, you don't need to give approval to everything of what she does. you wouldn't say she's untrustworthy when you don't even know the whole story. you won't simply just walk away without listening to her. you wouldn't choose to believe all those goddamn rumors when she's right next to you ready to share her problems. you wouldn't leave her alone suffering. You just wouldn't do all of that if you were really her friend.

i really don't understand you all. such simple things as being caring, you couldn't even do it. how ironic is it when you say you're BFFs with someone when you don't even know the basic thing you should do as a friend? i sincerely pity the person who you're BFFs with then. Ouch. How can you even bring yourself to say this? i really suspect all of you have fake hearts and minds and it is really interesting that you're still in this world. I wonder how that works hmmph. Because of all of your pettiness, and your absurdly narrow mindsets, just because of those, all of you are indirectly excluding people around you. Not just random people around you, but people who actually give a damn on what you think of them seeing that how important all of you are to her. And in psychology, this is known as a form of bullying. Can't believe such bright students would ever be associated with bullying, can you? HAHA. life is really full of surprises. one after one, very amusing.

* It's so unfair when i searched for 'distance', all that came up its all long distance relationship and true love survives distance etc, but no friendship. so bias. ooh that means that there are no LDFP- long distance friendship problems in this world. INTERESTING ~

If it wasn't for this fucking 3000 miles distance, i would have been by her side. But too bad, distance really is a barrier. Be it good or bad, it's up to you to decide. it's good sometimes when it shields me from all the dramas that's happening. and it's bad when i'm missing out on everything, every details of all my loved ones. This is hard, but i never regret it. The choice is mine, I made my decision and hence, no looking back.

Whatever happened over this 3000 miles, i'm incapable of changing anything. The hardest thing, is to observe all these shit occurring in front of me, through the screen. it's like watching a film, where the ending is decided and you can't fucking do anything to help make the situation better.

i have to say i'm really disappointed in you guys. but i'm glad that i finally get to see your true colours. it's not as glamorous as i thought, you all have your own dirty little secrets and now that i've seen some of it, i would love to see if there's anymore juicier hidden. Once exposed, very hard to cover up.

I'm not always Miss SmileyFace, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MISS DEVIL YET. i think you wouldnt' want to.

Mind you, life's a bitch, karma's a bitch. I can be a bitch too. what you've done to people now, you'll get it twice as much. After all, what goes around, comes around.Imagine kicking someone's ass, yours would be kicked twice as hard. Be prepared for a bruise. but,it's never late to change, or to learn a lesson.

So,take it or leave it, the choice is yours.

Movie marathon :)

2011-09-28T17:07:00.002+08:00

Hello everyboday~ the blogger iz back !

i've been neglecting this baby space for quite some time huh.
it's our term break now. 2 weeks as usual.
I'm not in Malaysia though, very surprising. Haha. if it was last year, i would have demanded to fly back regardless of how expensive the air tickets are. but now, grown up already. gotta be understanding, no more unnecessary inconsiderate demands.
Mum and dad are working so hard and they sacrificed so much for me to be here. what more could I ask for?

I've been watching truckloads of DVDs lately. All those chic-flic films. gotta love them, they're awesome especially before bed time. Sleeping after watching a happy ending helps to create sweet dreams HAHA!
These are what I've been watching :

i've been so antisocial lately. not going out, staying in guardian's place, being best friends with all these movies. I need to get a life HAHA!
i personally like 'life as we know it' really much though. as well as 'the back up plan' :) HEE!
ANYWAY, the x-factor is pretty good too. it's like a talent show.it's AMAZING. you guys have to watch it okay !

This is more like a telling-what-movie-i-watch post. very not interesting. haha.
whatever.

hope everyone's having a good time.
and those SPM-ers, guys, do your best ! i know two more papers left only but still keep the mojo up okay :D

LOVE YA ALL <3

Hey sexy!

2011-09-03T06:25:00.002+08:00

Oh hello there !

September better be a nice month, it's the first day of spring WEW !

Tried to forget about the bad, and move on. your life can still be awesome:)There're a couple of important birthdays this month, for me.

First of all, Mummy <3
*meandmyawfullyroundfaceispuredisgust*

Since studying abroad, i've missed celebrating mum's birthday with her :( I'll make it up to her, i'll just ring her up and wish her happy birthday then.Can't wait. Hope everyone's having a great day.

Au revoir !

A little too far.

2011-08-30T06:49:00.001+08:00

I'm almost there.
Just a little bit more then I'm there.
One tiny inch until I'm there.

But, I'm not there yet.
That tiny inch now became 3000 miles.
I failed to reach my destination.
It seems easy at first, but the journey itself is not easy.
The path that leads to your heart is a challenge I have to face. Full of battles. Like foreign invaders battling with your white blood cells-such a hostile environment. But, I toughened up. I fought with all my might. Yet, when I'm almost there, I stopped and now all my efforts are in vain.

What is the reason of giving up when I'm almost there? They say when you want to give up, think about what held you on for so long and then move on, continue in what you're doing. But, this time giving up means stop hurting. People would say I'm silly but no I'm rational this time. Instead of hurling myself into another tornando, I moved back, to prevent myself from all those foreseen wounds I'm about to receive.

I chose to give up. Now, no more regrets.
I've been through thousands of storms, and this little storm is nothing. Make this the 100th foolish decision i've made. Next time, no more.

Farewell.

Scrambled.

2011-08-26T15:44:00.000+08:00

Oh so here comes another weekend.

This week seems like there's only 4 days. WHOA. We had Monday off, our mid-term break. School seems so much better without Monday. Monday blues ahhh. Monday tires me, well actually, everybody. Monday is the day where I have six periods, full six hours. Piles of homeworks.

On the bright side, it's the weekend!

So, guys, doing anything productive lately?

OOHHHH. before i start anything, all the best to all SPM trial- takers HAHA!

if i'm not here now, i would be just like all of you, studying my ass off for the bloody SPM.

Good luck to all of you, strive hard and work hard !

Well, I haven't been able to put up amazing blog entries like others did, very truly deeply sorry.

My life is so far so good, it's not like I'm having a bad time. Well there are , of course, some down moments. Life is supposed to be like a roller coaster ride, there would be ups and downs. It is absurd for you to have depressing days all the while and vice versa. There should be a balance :) So if any of you are not having a good time, don't worry. After torrential rains, there would be always a beautiful rainbow. Don't give up yeah ? :)

Hmm...something random to talk about.

I love writing letters to people. I don't know why.Though many people regard it as being old-fashioned, I enjoy writing every single word,expressing my sincerity. I can just keep writing letters, to whoever. I'm still doing it now even with the invention of much efficient communication. I love the feeling of receiving letters too. Whenever there're letters for me in my pigeonhole, i'll go all squealing, jumping like a little kid. Then i'll go up to my room, make sure no one bothers me at such special moment. And i'll enjoy reading the content of it :) Hee.

I know facebook is really common now. I'm using it as well and I cannot deny the benefits of it, besides addiction haha! But seriously,who cares if you have 1000+ birthday wishes on your wall? Would those wishes be up there if it isn't for the facebook birthday calendar that reminds people of your big day? I rather have one person who truly remembers my birthday wishing me, than having infinity superficial wishes on my wall.

BTW, I just posted some letters, whoever the recipients are, be ready to be surprised :)

I just love the feeling of satisfaction seeing their happy and oh-so-surprised faces. SIMPLY JUST EPIC :) Ahh. even the smallest gesture of appreciation would made my day :)

& ALSO

You would probably know her, me thinks :)

She's Vivien :D- Spelt with an ' E ' not an 'A' !!

Well it's her birthday on the 24th of August. Seriously, so many peoples' birthday is in august :$ Y NO DECEMBER BABY ONE ? UNFAIR :(

ANYWAY, she's my BF over here hee! anyway, she called me her best friend from malaysia. LOL according to her,she has many best friends,all categorized in different countries, haha that's her style.

Together with Pop, we made her oreo/ cookies&cream cupcakes which made her day!

She's a cookies and cream freak! She should probably live with cookies monster from sesame street and eat cookies and cream everyday HAHAH !

Made a card for her, Ahh i always do that. I made cards for everyone i'm close with. How nice :)

Anyway, oh another bomb news.

Well, For me. it is.

i'm prolly not gonna go back in september :(

Which means I only get to see my family for twice a year only :(

and I'm not even like an 18yearold fullygrownupsuperindependent person yet :(

My time with my family is getting lesser and lesser and I'm really depressed about it.

To all of you who're still with your families, seriously please appreciate all the days you have together. if not, you'll regret one day, this i can bet.

unless you're some kind of ~~stupid ignorant unappreciative spoilt brat.~~

TATA ! :)

Collecting my jar of hearts.

2011-08-21T06:46:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHAT?

I SUCCEED IN THE 40 HOUR FAMINE :D

* big claps for me*

I gave up food and??

HINTS: I'm a facebook and twitter addict- SOCIAL ADDICT.

Yeah and technology :)

It's not that hard on technology, but foodwise, it can be a little bit hard. Oh well because I do it on a school day so yeah. Anyway the feeling of satisfaction when I completed is beyond imagination.

I strongly encourage all of you to do it. Give up something for 40 hours, so the people in East Timor wouldn't have to do it for their lives :)

so where have I been? I haven't update in ages.
Recently I've been so busy.
Busy with homeworks, assessments, interviews, birthday plannings etc. People say if you occupy yourself with something, you wouldn't think about those depressing moments. Really? Or is it just me, being too stubborn, pushing myself into the situation where I just keep thinking about you and ignore the rest of the world?

Why must I be like this?
Because of you, I changed.You make me do things that I, normally do not do.
Why do you have such power over me? Why can't I have such power over you too?

You act like you don't care, or maybe I care too much.
I deserve what I get,right? because after all it's only just my hope and wishes.
In your point of view, all those do not have to come true. They do not have the right to come true. There's no need for you to realise my expectations.
Yes, there isn't.
Why the hell would you do things like the way I do for you when you do not have the same goddamn feelings for me like the way I do for you?
This has to be mutual.

But I thought you're different. Yea, I thought, again.
I keep having wrong judgements on people.
I keep putting my heart out for the wrong one. Why is that so, when there's millions of others in the whole wide world?
Should I say, you're lucky to be chosen? Or not.

You know sometimes, how someone asks you something, you cannot tell them straightaway even though you really want to, just because they are the answers ?
The hesitating moment, decides everything.
Whether it's going to be successful or not, it depends.
I don't want to have my hopes up anymore.
Actually, never again.

Sometimes, things would be better if it remains as what it is.
I try too hard to make things better, which MOST OF THE TIME, i make things even worse.

Emotional is my weak spot. I'm too soft, I forgive people easily.
I thought well at least people realise their mistakes, and hence the forgivness.
I've too easy to be trampled on. And you take it as an advantage?

I've been not okay but I act like I am. Oh no. Now faking is one of my strengths. I'm good at faking smiles and putting on masks.
You wouldn't be able to see the real me. You can't even know when I'm telling the truth.
I tried to avoid thinking about you. I tried to control myself. But I guess you're too strong of a magnet that pulls me away from my track.
I refused to accept your flaws, but now I have to learn how to accept.
I tell myself, i've been seeing you as a perfect person, not for who you really are.
And if that's the case, then I'm not falling for the real you.
I'm trying to give myself reasons to give you up to prove that I'm not really the silly one, blindfolded. But obviously, I am.
If people see you better than I do, then this doesn't give me the right to fall for you becase I don't know you well enough. Who knows everything you're doing are not sincere too?
I don't want to be said to be in the situation where I'm infatuated with you because it's untrue.

I used to be the reasonable one, logical one.
But now, why am I the one lost in the mist? Don't know whether to go left or right?

Don't know whether to let go or continue?
In the end, I think I'm gonna give up.
I'm being silly for millions of time, why not this one more time?
This time I fell and got hurt the worst, but who cares? Just suck it up, stand up and everything would be okay :D

Contradicting..

2011-07-31T12:29:00.004+08:00

hmm...are YOU?

You know how sometimes you wish your blog is as popular as those famous bloggers, sometimes you even click your own nuffnang ads, coz well you have a pathetically low number of visitors? And then, when you want to unleash your anger towards someone or you wanna rant something out, you thought, oh i hope my blog is private and is on low profile?

You know how sometimes you wish you have the guts to just say what you wanna say straight to the person's face so that person would understand what you want from him/her and hence behave so? And then, again, how sometimes you wish you hadn't say those words, or do those actions, because the consequences are so much worse than what you thought?

Hmm..truth to be told.I actually do this a lot.
We and our contradicting thoughts would never be on the same side.

How should I exactly say this?
So, fickle-minded? Indecisive?

Humans are like this. We always say something, and then act another way, and then prepare a whole lot of excuses to defend ourselves when what we do is perceived in a negative way.
For example, let's say you wanna be friendly to someone, well it's nice to have a new friend, isn't it? But what if, you thought, what if you're friendly to her and invite her to your group, but she ended up replacing you in your own friendship group? You don't want that to happen, it probably took you months to build up such strong friendship with your close friends, and you don't want a new girl to just replace your position within the group- well you thought she had the potential, coz maybe she's charming,sweet and she had a killer smile. Well, because you want to give others the impression that you're super friendly, you unwillingly invited her to join you with a big, fake smile. And so she did, and exactly like what you expected, she charmed your friends and they wouldn't go anywhere without her. You, are replaced.

And then surely, you'll be thinking in your mind.

"Why the hell did I do that? I'm so stupid. I should have mind my own god damn business and leave her by herself. She's so evil, so cunning , acting all innocent and sweet outside. How could she! God damn it ! I regret it so much! AAAAAHHHH, how nice if there's a rewind button for me to reverse my foolish act !"

Between your contradicting thoughts, the devilish side conquered the angelic side of your mind.

We have the choice to choose which side we want to be on.
But, sadly, most people would eventually succumb to the devil for their own benefits- conscience, just pooffff, gone like that.
You know what's right and what's wrong, and yet you choose to be on the wrong side.Wouldn't you feel bad for doing so?

I'm sometimes like that. Come to think of it, I feel so bad.
I don't even know why would I act like that.
Sometimes, I wanna say something to someone. But then, I don't want to,well coz I've seen many ~~fail.com~~ cases which are kinda similar to me, and I don't wanna suffer like them.
But if I don't say it, how can the person even read my mind? ( that's the time when I secretly wish that the person has the superpower, like from the drama- Heroes, which is to be able to read peoples' mind HAHA).
I try to give hints, but I guess, they aren't clear and direct enough.I know that the clues I give wouldn't even possibly make the person understand what I'm gonna say, yet I choose to believe that the person UNDERSTOOD but CHOSE to ignore me.Then,like all those people, I posted statuses or commented and retweeted all those quotes, like I'm the victim and the person's the villian.How immature, i know.

I lied to myself, assuming that ther person hurt me.
WHEN CLEARLY THE PERSON DIDN'T. so bad right, i know. Kill me now.
I shouldn't have done that, well it's just me behaving like a coward, don't have the guts to say it out, and yet posting stuffs like I am rejected or something like that, and make myself EMO all the time.

I deserve all those sadness anyway. i'm such a bitch. HAHA
well, what i wanna say is, it's hard to not be contradicting, coz sometimes, you forgot what you said before, and you said the opposite of what you have said before , and people caught you in the act, and you, are regarded as being contradicting. and that time, you wish there's a hole in front of you, or you can be invisible due to the embarassment and humiliation. You wish that magic exists so you could have ' oblievated ' everyone's memory. you wish that this is real.

HAHA.

If it isn't about something serious, you can joke it off.
But sometimes, it costs a lot, for example something like trust.

And unfortunately, for trust, something so common that so many people do not appreciate,is like a piece of paper, once it's crumpled, the creases would always be there. No matter what you do, it'll never go back to 100% perfectly crease-less.

Well, i hope there's no contradicting statements in my entry.

TEEHEE !

P/S: last day of july, HELLO AUGUST ! :D

Let's welcome August with a BIG WIDE SMILE :D
August, treat me well yo !

The answer...

2011-07-20T13:50:00.003+08:00

... is left unspoken.

My father asked me a question. just before I'm about to fly off.

He asked: " What have you learnt after being in australia for two years?"

Silently, I thought, what a question. Seriously, is this all you can ask when both your daughters are about to leave?Aren't you supposed to be like having some other conversations to calm us down or cooing us by saying ' aw.Dad will miss you all.Take care over there, and blah blah blah?"

People said whatever you're thinking deep down inside would eventually be shown on your face.

Hmm, well said. Not knowing that, I think i gave my dad an ohmygod-seriously-what-kind-of-question-is-that-when-i'm-about-to-leave-can-you-do-it-better face. and i regretted immediately.

Before I boarded, i gave him an apolegetic look and a hug, bidding adieu. and yes, the answer to that question was left unspoken. I thought about it since he said it, but I just tried to avoid answering it, be it to him or myself. I just didn't want to think about it. But still, I brought that question up to the plane with me, flew 3000+ miles in the air, and into my room in the boarding house.

I thought about it. Like seriously thought about it. but i couldn't figure out what exactly have i learnt in these two years.

Being independent? That's an obvious one, but that wasn't what I learnt. I've learnt how to be independent already, and this experience abroad just strengthened my ability to be more independent.

So,what?

**********

I remembered very clearly, when I first came to Australia,hoping that everyone would be welcoming and friendly, how some people looked down or in a nicer phrase, refused to help or ignored me, walking away, pretending they didn't hear my very polite 'Excuse me, can you please help me'.

Some refused to mix with us, and i seriously don't understand why, WHY? is it just because we're Asians, and that makes us inferior? I thought skin doesn't matter in high school, I thought everyone's friends, we all can play together and have fun together, no?

Well, that's what I thought.

True, I, like many other Asians, admired and looked up on Caucasians- first, for being able to look so good and confident naturally, and second, i don't know, they are just so awesome in my mind. The way movies portrayed all those Caucasians also shaped my impression on them-i imagined them to be flawless.great.welcoming.awesome. Some still are awesome,but not all.

P/S: Now I still do admire some, but not all, and not entirely like they're God or someone superior.

But reality, however, turned me down.

Immediately, I changed my impression towards them. I know some would probably say ' hey you can't judge the whole crowd based on a person's attitude, that's being biased'. so okay, you want more examples? How about hmm, having friends debating with the the yellow-skin groups-US. about how Australia government should not accept any asians or whatever nationality people into the country so the people itself can enjoy its own spacious, huge piece of land. Yeah , how about that? Don't you think that's a little rascist, even though what they're stating might be right?

Yeah true that a country's people should enjoy the country's benefits first before others do, well since you're born there, you're given the priority as well as the priviledges.I get that, but do you have to state it that way and making it so obvious that you don't want us in your country? How hurting is that, especially when I JUST CAME, JUST ARRIVED in a place where I don't have any familiar friends to hang out with, i just wanted to be welcomed and that was what I got. Adapting to a new environment ain't easy, and it becomes even harder when such comments are given from your thought-to-be-welcoming-friends.

There are more examples. but this isn't about how many examples i can give.

it's about my answer to that question.

I used to lock myself in my own comfort zone, refusing to step out. Why would you choose to go through all those challenges, with the risk of getting hurt, embarrased, humiliated, when you can easily choose to stay in where you're comfortable in? Yeah WHY? When there's an easier route, why pick the challenging one full of unknown danger ahead? Those who picked the harder way to get to the same destination are always regarded as fools, idiots.

But then turn around, and ask yourself, why don't you wanna try fighting those challenges ? Fear can be overcomed if you have the will to fight. " When you don't want to do something, there's always a thousand excuses you can give." Change your perception and try to accept the challenge. If you fail, stand up again, no big deal, right? and so, i decided to leave home when I was offered. To experience living a foreign place without any comfort, without any blanket of security. I gathered my courage and chose to leave, and when i made that decision to put everything i'm familiar with behind, i already promised myself something.

I wanna leave, then come back as a better person. I wanna come back, transformed. if i don't, then that's a waste of time, money, everything.

and now almost two years later.

have i changed? changed into a better person?

I am immature. ~~used to be.~~ and now still a little bit immature sometimes.

I don't compromise at all before, now I start to tolerate, and I know how to give and sacrifice for others. I'm not boasting, i'm just saying what I know I have become, and only I have the right to say so because I know what's happening. Please don't think you know me well unless you live inside me for 24/7 and have observed everything in my life. but hey, i will accept your opinions and comments about me with an open heart. I just don't want people to judge me.

Yet, sometimes i judged others. how funny. I know i'm wrong, and i will change.

Anyway, those thought-to-be-welcoming-friends changed my perception and made me who I am today. I guess i have to thank them with all my heart. if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't discover the harsh and cruel side of the world. if it wasn't for them, i would still believe that all people are good and kind, and whatever bad things they do, there's a reason for it and therefore, they're forgivable. How naive.Now, i toughened up a little. Still, i guess i have to surround my heart with layers and layers of invincible metals so i wouldn't get hurt, falling for those who aren't interested, and at the same time, hurting those who love me. I think sometimes, i have to look behind at those people who love me instead of stubbornly chasing after people who I know wouldn't bring me happiness but pools of tears.

Well now,I learnt how to accept things the way they are. What's the point crying, whining, complaining so much when neither of those can help to make things better? Accept, and live with it. This is how it works. I cannot expect things to always turn out the way I want it to be, if everyone wants things to happen their way, then no one would be happy in this world, well because things then need to be happening in 10 million different ways to suit everyone's opinions, no? Then it would be chaotic. another unnecessary mess which can be prevented.
That's what i learnt i guess for these two years, learning to accept reality and live with it no matter how unacceptable or how hard it is for me to do so.

If people don't like you, what can you do ? You are not born to please everyone. If the person you love don't love you, what can you do? Live with it and get over it. Don't break your own heart as well as those peoples' who truly care and love you for who you are.

Sometimes I whine about how I cannot accept the fact that my holidays are over, oh i've got to go back to school, leave home etc. well sometimes i can't help it, and yeah i know im kinda contradicting but anyway forgive me. sometimes, you can't control your feelings, right?

They say don't let your heart rule the head, let the head rule your heart. Really , is that so? I seriously don't know.

Anyway,now i guess my dad's question has now got an answer. It's still unspoken, but it's not unwritten :)

Inspiration : Learn to accept, and live; Learn to live, and accept :)

2011-07-19T18:34:00.001+08:00

How I wish i can go to a school like Hogwarts, where magic exists.

Obliviate- the spell which takes away your memory.
I want that.

If only magic can take away my sorrows, and all those unhappiness, ahhh how nice would that be.
IF ONLY it exists.
How nice if everyone's sorrows, depression, unhappiness are all taken away, this world would be a much happier place.
How nice if the deaths can be alive again, and those who lost their loved ones can meet each other again, How nice.....

HAHA.
imagination.

And this too.
Neri Tan- first year student of Hogwarts- school of witchcraft and wizardry. That'll be cool. BUT, it's beyond my reach. It'll never happen.

Time to accept the fact. Wake up yo neri !
Why is it, why is leaving so hard this time? WHY?
I had tons of practises for saying goodbye, this time is no other different. but it's different in a way, that only I know, but i can't explain.
IF ONLY, magic...........................................................for me:)

OH.

2011-07-17T11:46:00.001+08:00

Oh there you go. OHOH OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHHHHH ! so i'm hurt. HAHAHAH
see i'm leaving again.TOMORROW.

I cannot promise to be tough.
well the moment i board, it means 3000+ miles away physically from Malaysia, and also another 149 days until i step on this country again.or maybe less i'm not sure.
Well yeah everyone says time flies, and i do believe that.but i dont wanna talk about leaving again.

anyway, guys, appreciate what you have now !
don't go looking for something you don't have, you'll just be more and more unsatisfied.
learn how to appreciate, show your gratitude.
if you don't grab what you have now, you'll lose it, and then you'll regret. and then you become depressed and sigh over losing something important to you.don't let chances go slipping away from your hands, some chances are only there for once, lose it, means gone forever.

well anyway just don't let go if you can hold on :)

i seriously don't get how some people whine about their parents. complains complains and complains. well you see, if they complain, this shows that they care, and when they stop, that's the time you should be worried. Parents show their care in different ways and they might express their love differently. some nag, i know, a lot, like my mum haha and its annoying sometimes but at least she wants the best for you. so don't effing kick them away when they are there for you.

i know the rebel trend. the teenage rebel trend- going against parents' will or fighting against what they say. like you're better or looked up upon when you managed to go against them? SERIOUSLY? more likely to do things when your parents ask you not to- i know mostly everyone does this.well what i know is, people who don't even treat their parents / family well wouldn't treat others well sincerely as well, since your parents/family are the ones who brought you to the world, raise you up, take care of you and LOVE you with all their hearts. and even people like this who sacrificed so much for you didn't even earn your appreciation, so why should others like BFFs or friends or boyfs / girlfs do?!!

so yeah, i don't like people who complain how they hate their families and wanna move out and leave them behind. SERIOUSLY? well i just hope people would learn how to appreciate their families......

because some unfortunate kids don't even effing know who their parents are okay ?!

Screw those who just abandon their parents at those old folks' home, is that all you can do after years of sacrifices they have made for you?
Screw those who just abuse their parents , and expecting parents to get more money for them, and then take them all away to gamble or for drug use !

well there're countless examples.
i know I CANNOT EXPECT EVERYONE TO TREAT THEIR PARENTS NICELY.
because some would say my parents don't even treat me well, so why should I?
HAHA. what i know is i wouldn't ever say that.
those who have this thought are really disappointing i must say.
your parents might not have brought you up well or they might have not fulfill your needs etc but afterall, they're still your parents. they're precious. and this is not about taking revenge.

so treat them well, pay them respect, show your love and care before it's too late.
i'm grateful and lucky to have my parents as my parents.
i would love to have them again if i reborn haha :)

anyway PEACE :) i'm not pointing any fingers to anyone :D

P/S: I HOPE TOMORROW NEVER COME :(:(

Live with it.

2011-07-13T17:51:00.002+08:00

came across something new. very inspiring.

i think i need something new to write about instead of the ~~same old family-friends-oh-i'm-leaving topic.~~

i'm sure you guys are bored. so am i. HAHS

life should be full of excitement and adventures. not a bunch of boring blog posts typed by a person with dull thoughts UGH.

moving on.

well i searched videos on youtube while listening to some songs recommended by my friends.

came across so many videos made by those talented people. here, i don't mean celebrities. i meant ordinary people. but hey, they're talented- so that makes them not-so ordinary :D but i bet they'll be famous if they're discovered by those people who work in the film-entertainment-etc industry.

anyway i wanna be like them.Talented.

i wanna be like Vanessa May, i wanna be like Maddi Jane, i wanna be like Kenny G, i wanna be Richard Claymond. i wanna be good at something.

well, something more simple.

i wanna be able to write. express myself, all my feelings and thoughts smoothly.

not just ' new post', then mental blank, stare at screen, and hit ' backspace'

i wanna write like there's no tomorrow.

even though i learn stuffs, musical instruments, sports, i'm never good at it. i'm always average or below average. WHY? well laziness, or not committed? i guess :( well i know those people sacrificed a lot to keep improving and making themselves better.

for sports- lots of sweats, pains, tears. for music- lots of time, pains, and hell lot of music.

for writing- lots of writing, writing, writing and writing and oh, reading.

and so hmm, what can i sacrifice? nothing. and yet i complained. how ironic. i wanna be talented/ be good in something yet i don't pay the price. well i want to sacrifice, but i don't even know if it's gonna be worth it and not even sure whether that'll make me actually GOOD in something, for once. for once in my life. what if i don't succeed? doesn't that make all my sacrifices in vain? then what will i become if i chose to sacrifice my education to pursue music? No one. just another nobody who's gonna live her life doing nothing.

See, again, i'm afraid to try. well not afraid to try, i guess i'm afraid to lose. people say never try never know. i'm afraid to give it my all, to risk everything, to risk losing. oh boy.

how funny it is when sometimes people are considering of trying something new, i said ' oh hey never try never know, go for it!' and yet.. look at myself. Haha.

well, when i'm kinda sorta *coughs* good at something, i'm always being compared with my sister. never NOT. and that brings me down. well it lifts me up when i'm the better one in some cases- RARELY though. ~~anyway, here you go- consequences of having a brighter sister.~~ well truth is, i hate being compared. but then i guess that's the only way that keeps me motivated. so i lived with it. but when people ( well not just ordinary people, but relatives and friends- people ) give you the look of oh-so-you're-the-not-as-bright-one-huh, that doesn't motivate AT ALL. i feel like a product, oh so product A is better than product B.

seriously, shut the eff up just pick one, and leave then. well compare all you want in your mind, don't say it out loud.

though hated it, yet still lived with it. HAHA no courage to ask them to actually stfu.

i hate to be compared yet i want motivation, i guess i have to learn how to self-motivate.

hahs. self-motivate?

sounds easy. but UH-UH, not easy to achieve.

but i have to. i need to.

life's hard, oh well suck it up and be a man.

live with it.

i kinda am ambitious, i wanna be a doctor, to help those poor and those people in need.but getting into uni for a med course ain't easy these days, it's so competitive everywhere. WHAT IF I FAILED ?? mum says people who're really determined don't do what-ifs but seriously if you don't plan those what-ifs, WHAT IF you really failed and yet there's no plan B? your life would come to a sudden halt, and you're sucked into the big black hole. poof. no purpose of living anymore. you don't just live just to live, you have to have a purpose in life, no ? there's no point living like a zombie, just eat, shit, sleep- lifeless. there's no expectations, no adventures, no improvement, no purpose, nothing.

don't the expectations or excitement of something make people want to still be able to wake up and live for another day?

or not. you might think so.

tuned out. drifted off. stopped here.ended here.